HELL

November 30, 2009 - Monday

Hell
Current mood: awake
Category: Life
Okay, so I'm tooling along, off of morphine and then the weather does this low pressure game and damn near kills me, so for two days I have to take something..... I go four days without and the weather is going from high 60's to the 30's with teens on the way and I'm feeling like I have a shot gun blast to the chest, the only thing missing is the gaping holes and blood.
I can put a 10 pound bag of ice on my chest and I get good and numb and don't feel anything until the ice melts. Incomes first slowy the ice pick stab to the clavicale and then like bee stings on steroids the single stab becomes an assault and I'm thinking to my self, has the patch been off long enough to use the gel so I won't be mixing the two... WTF?
It's only the pain that I managed to surpress for so many years using morphine to take my conscience away, Hell this pain is my F**kin BEACON, what am I doing not creating, writing, painting... oh yeah that stabbing f**king pain when I breathe and move my arms.. I have to figure out a way to outsmart the pain. One effective way I think would be to take my favorite 9 lb. hammer and smash the offending clavicular sternum joint, yeah, that will teach that whimpy old ache who the Hell has the control over the real pain man...
Then I pick up Cadmium Red, Yellow and cobalt blue and put a face to the cowardly pain that tries to steal my energy because it can't think of anything more creative to do than hurt...BITCH